4 posts from June 2008

Have you avoided having a conversation to a woman just because she was talking to another guy?

Or maybe you avoided approaching a group of girls with one or two guys with them because you feared embarrassment just because you ASSUMED that those guys were cooler than you.

Most guys shy away from approaching women who are with other guys for a couple reasons.

Most guys when they saw the girl being with another guy, they think it is her boyfriend.

This isn't a real reason to not talk to a woman, especially in a bar - it's a social setting where people meet other people. Plus - she's not his "slave" - she's a human being, not a piece of property, so she is free to talk to whomever she chooses.

You will extremely look confident if you approach more often a woman who is "with" a guy and this can draw out the guy's jealous side, making him look weak and insecure.

The other reason guys don't approach women with other men points to a deep insecurity based on a simple misconception.

Guys assumed that the "other guy" is stronger, cooler, or somehow more powerful than they are. Men tend to be threatened by other men.

This exist in an ancient survival strategy that has been passed through human minds.

The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious, and it's hard to tell who the more "dominant" person is in any given interaction. So when a male is confronted by another male, he doesn't know how dominant the other guy is.

He doesn't know if he will be embarrassed verbally, or as was probably common thousands of years ago, beaten up.

So it's smart to play it safe by assuming that the other guy is a threat. Males who were too bold may have won a few confrontations, but all it took was one loss to end up dead or exiled from the tribe.

And then their genes were eliminated from "race" so to speak.

So the guys who played it safe, and avoided confrontation usually lived long enough to reproduce and survive.

The irony of this is that nowadays this hard-wired survival strategy is the basis for most approach anxiety - guys avoid women unnecessarily because they are making false assumptions.

Here is the thing, mostly when you see a girl talking to another guy in the club or bar, she's not WITH him.

Usually, they JUST MET!

I can't tell you how many times I've approached a woman thinking she was "with" a guy, only to find out he was some random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend or relative.

I have regrets when I remember that I used to completely not talking to a woman because I saw her being with another guy. So many opportunities that I've wasted. This brings me to my first point:

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO HER. DON'T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL YOU SEE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE.

You will know it if you try to act and find out. Just remember that in time that they are together you should be alert an respectful, the guy may be the insecure jealous type and may start a confrontation.

So use your head - just don't limit your options by making false assumptions.

The idea that the other man can be more "dominant" that you are is the next important thing that I want to talk about.

The concept of the alpha male is completely outdated. In the caveman days, the alpha male had real power - he had access to resources like food, and was physically stronger, so he could beat up competitors.

But ask yourself if those same power are still existing today. Every man with a source of income can survive on his own - if you're reading this, you probably have an access to your needs like food. You're all set.

Plus, it's illegal to just beat people up. My point is, physical strength is pretty much irrelevant in the modern world.

Attacking another person will always end you up defeated because the police always win.

If you mind doing that, you are LETTING RANDOM MEN TO STOP YOU FOR NO REASON!

Just excuse my French, but who is HE to say who YOU talk to???

I recall all the girls I missed out on because I was afraid about some DUDE. And it makes me mad remembering that and knowing that the other guys are dealing with some crap!

You are going to look back on all the things you did and didn't do, when the time comes that you're on your deathbed. How painful it is to say "I haven't approached that girl because I was scared of another guy," or "I could have enjoyed being with so many beautiful women if only I have approached them even if they were TALKING to another guy."

I don't want you to be like that.

So let's understand it deeply. Seeing the other guy as more dominant means you don't really understand dominance.

There's a better focus. Rather than to see yourself NOT dominant when you are comparing who is more dominant between you and the other guy.

Dominant men don't think about who is dominant. To be dominant, you must first THINK like a dominant man. So what do dominant men think about? Whatever it is they are doing or want.

So when you see another guy talking to a group of girls. Focus on the girls instead of worrying who is the dominant between the two of you.

I seldom even acknowledge other guys, because it's proven to be just a waste of time. 9 out of 10 women don't even know the guy - they just meet him.

Or if they do, maybe ONE of the girls know him, and barely the rest know him.

Normally, seldom for women to go out with a guy they are dating, more often they would like to bring with them a guy that is more of a  protector/friend because a guy like that is more valuable when they go out on the town.

And aside from that, if he IS with one of the girls, then it will be a fair game because it means that he's NOT with the other girls.

When you are concerned with who's the alpha male, you are by definition NOT the alpha male. In fact, it's questionable whether alpha males truly exist in the modern world.

Don't assume anything, get your focus in a USEFUL place, and don't let some random dude prevent you from enjoying YOUR LIFE!

Does meeting with women seems like a WORK to you?

And how does it feel that despite of all your hard work you're still not getting the success you're looking for?

If you agreed to those questions, then you may continue reading.

In fact, dating game can be quite frustrating.

You see a girl you like, but she has a boyfriend.

Everything is going smooth and fine between you and a woman and then just suddenly she's not returning or answering your calls.

Not to mention the fact that as the man you pretty much have to do everything to move things forward.

YOU have to have the courage to approach.

First off, you need to keep you conversation moving, then you have to escalate physically, you have to get her number or much better you have to figure out a logistical way to take her home, YOU have to plan the date.

You know what, the standards for men's behavior are much higher than women.

(Don't get me started on that...let's just say women are allowed to get away with sub-par behavior just because they are "pretty.")

That can be debilitating, especially if you don't have an "extroverted" trait.

... I have encountered a client that has a problem of "extroversion fatigue."

I knew exactly what he meant because I used to struggle with it too.

Before I started to teach myself about pick-up, and then found myself being mentally DRAINED after talking to three or four women.

What I do is to have a sit and rest!

Come to think how strange the situation is, I am supposed to have fun and relax but instead I am working harder than I was at my full time job.

I would go home and be absolutely DEAD

... from TALKING TO WOMEN!

That things makes any sense???

There you see the general dating fatigue. There's an ups and downs in the emotions, results that is discouraging, in the hard work that I make just to get women to hang out with me or be in bed with me.

I feel I am working overtime just like a full time job!

When I first got in this game, I literally had to force myself to go out and pickup ALL DAY for days on end. (I admit, I was a nerd, and pushed it to the extreme.)

But what can I say, I was passionate about learning all this stuff (and not to mention extremely eager for results after years of sexual frustration).

I would push myself like professional athletes push themselves in the gym.

I was working muscles I had never used before, or to be more precise, I was forming NEW NEUROPATHWAYS.

If you can relate to any of this, then you are probably working too hard in your interactions with women.

There are three reasons for this.

First, being socially proactive may be new to you.

As I can remember, I don't have a pectoral muscles - (the one that is right at the top of your chest just under the clavicle that makes the chest look bigger)  before I started lifting weights.

Although I have but it was so small and weak and it took me three weeks to notice them. I was incredibly sore and could barely move my arms every time I worked them out.

Then I can now handle the big amounts of weight right after I have reached the tripping point in the development of my muscle. The mind is in that way too.

It takes time to develop these new neuro-pathways on your own. If you're not pushing yourself HARD day in-day out, it can take awhile, depending on your skill level.

Another reason you may feel social fatigue is because you think there's too much to do or learn when meeting women.

This is actually a little different from "fatigue." It's more like feeling overwhelmed.

One way that can frazzle your mind is when you are overwhelmed by something. And this can lead to some sort of discouragement, exhaustion and depression. It's like your body saying "Whew, enough for this much work, I'm quitting before I can even begin"

I have suffered from this feeling before when I was taking notes of a lot of theories. And as I looked what I've write, I see that I am just looking at the complicated thing just like a complex physics equation.

It was discouraging to think that I had to do almost all the needed things just to get a good quality of women.

The last reason why you feel socially exhausted is when you spend much mental energy and focus on stuff that isn't helpful to pick-up.

I'd say 99 percent of guys get it wrong when it comes to attracting women. The thing is, the woman usually can't tell, because most guys learn to hide their inner "stuff" after a few harsh rejections.

But of course we can't oppose to the reality that when a guy is attracted to a girl, he is trying his best just to win her or at least know if the women likes him too.

As what we have seen and heard in the media, from our parents and friends - generally it lets us know that man's role is to IMPRESS the woman and in return a woman will sleep with you.

So Pathetic!

I hate seeing an advertisement of a guy that bumbling around a cute girl trying to impress her, even though he looks like a fool while the girl giggles like she's better than him because she's a girl.

Ok, enough for that protest... my point here is that so many guys are being screwed when it comes to the control of their dating game.

But everything will absolutely change if the guy will only takes time to adjust the way his MIND works when it comes to attraction.

Once you get to highest level of your interaction with women, you will truly be attractive to them. You just need to be at your best both physically and emotionally.

A GUY AT HIS BEST.

Let's talk about One Night Stands.

Before I don't really know how to do the one night stands,
and I started to understand how easy it is to apply after I
have used a couple of solid pickups.

Looking back, I realize now that those initial successes
were the start of a major "bad belief overhaul."

I began to believe that women wanted me and wants to get in
bed.

Even though I know that I am not that good looking like
other men, I started to think that I was that too attractive
and desirable to woman

Now about 75% of my students come to me with one main goal -
they want to sleep with more women.

And the remaining are looking for someone special that
really suits in their lifestyle. As what I have said, this
goal is not mutually exclusive.

Because if you are looking for a special girl, you have meet
a lot of women so that you determine and pick the best
choice.

And if you don't know how to meet women, this can be a
daunting task.

One of the common phase that every good pickup artist goes
through when they gets started. Where he to learn to thinks
of new ways and behavior and then start to meet and sleep
with MORE WOMEN.

Just like a kid in a candy store, making a full advantage of
his new powers!

In order for me to snap out of my old way of thinking, a
period of learning is necessary so that I can start to
internalize my new reality. That I can be attractive and
desirable to women and above all, women will be obsess to
sleep with me.

So it's important that you have a few really fast, casual
sensual encounters, in order to get the ball rolling on
forming new beliefs.

I'm telling about a same day lays or a one-night stand.

If haven't had any experience on one-night stand, or maybe
you got lucky when you were drunk, having a one-night
'stands at-will' can have the same as having a great
girlfriend that is out of reach.

But you know what you are doing and is able to learn new
things, you will find it very easy to do.

But the sad thing is, there are many men that make things
too hard for themselves and never be able to get the first
sexual experience that will make them feel like "natural."

I know you want to get BETTER with woman and above of it to
MASTER THE GAME. If not you will not read this, right?

Mastery comes from within - it starts with a mindset, and
leads to external results, which then form NEW BELIEFS in
your mind.

These new beliefs become the foundation for your new
reality, where you naturally attract women without even
thinking about it.

First of all, if you're going for a one-night stand, there's
one thing you need to know -- You won't always be able to
get the hottest girl in the venue to go home with you.

Bringing a girl home doesn't based on whether she is open or
not in going home with a guy, sure maybe you can her number
but it varies widely on particular night.

However, there are LOTS of horny women moving around the
clubs and bar anytime of the day that are open in getting
lay that same day or night. And all you have to do is have a
knowledge and ability to spot them.

The things that I look in spotting them are in the way how
they dressed, how much make-up they put on their face and
other things that relates to how they look physically.
Remember that there is a reason why women exert a lot of
effort in order to look beautiful.

The reason is they want to be approached. Although it isn't
always true but is generally the case.

Another thing that you can spot that a woman is looking for
attention is when she is being so loud and animated.

Lastly, another good prospect are woman that are looking
around the room more than the other girls that she's with.
Also a group of two or three women all standing around with
blank expressions, scoping the room are another prospect.

They are basically putting themselves out there, waiting for
someone to approach them.

Now you have to take this in mind -- Avoid running your
clever routines into full-stream and your cocky frame
control stuff when approaching those women.

A simple "hey, you guys look great tonight. Special
occasion?" is enough. It's just have to be social,  delicate
and showing that you are interested in meeting them.

The key here is not to openly discuss getting in sensual or
that you are looking to take her home. You see, if you talk
about that, you'll put her on the spot and make her agree to
bang with you, implicitly.

Rather you want to build sensual tension, as we discuss
heavily in our workshops.

This will be against a woman's "rules" and she'll definitely
be keeping distance from you. And you really need a logistic
information to know how you can get her back to your place.

So before that thing happen, you have to remove some of your
overt sensual intention and try not to let her know that you
are trying to pick her up.

You have to be willing to let go of controlling the
situation, and just enjoy yourself, while escalating
appropriately.

This is how it will works although it may sound that counter
intuitive.

You must trust that women wants to be in bed and there are a
lot of women in the club, bar or in any venue that wants to
get a same day lay.

Some won't, but some will, and that's why it's key that you
get a sense of what to look for, and how to proceed.

You don't want to invest a bunch of time with the wrong
girl, or worse, to pick the RIGHT girl, and then mess it up
after a lengthy interaction.

That will be a waste of time.